


Forgiving

by Kragle (Lizardon)



Category: Undertale
Genre: Angst, F/F, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Post-Neutral Route - Neutral Pacifist Ending, Suicide mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2017-12-15
Packaged: 2018-05-30 04:19:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,884
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6408454
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lizardon/pseuds/Kragle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Undyne learns a secret, and shares a secret.</p><p>Post-neutral pacifist ending.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Truth

Alphys finally stopped walking and looked around sheepishly.  We were standing at the cliff in Waterfall I had met her at.  
"I uh, really don't want to have to tell you this, but I gotta. I'm r-really in love with you and that means I can't lie to you, even if it hurts both of us."

She had walked me here in total silence, which was weird for her since usually she loved to babble about whatever science thing she was working on or whatever anime we totally had to watch together. She hadn't told me anything at all before we set off on this walk, just a quiet "I have something to tell you, come walk with me."

"Alphy, what's the matter?" She cringed at her pet name, an immediate sign something very serious was bothering her. Whatever it was, I felt the strong urge to punch it.  
"I've kept something from you, well, not just you, but everyone. About my past. How we came to meet each other on that night..." Though I dreaded to hear it, I think I knew what she was going to tell me. She had been standing alone here and looking down. There could really be only one reason for such an action. It had been too dark to see properly but I remember hearing the sobs in her voice and the empty way she spoke. She had needed someone, and I took up that mantle like any good knight would've.  
"Look, I think I-" She cut me off.  
"Please, I-I'm asking you to let me tell my story. It's really, really hard for me to talk about this at all, s-so let me tell the whole thing, and then you can decide what you want to do." I pouted, but eventually nodded at her. It was so rare she opened up to me, even after how long we'd been together and how long we'd known each other before that.  
"Won't say a word. Tell me what you have to tell me."  
  
She took a deep breath, trying to steady herself. I reached out to touch her shoulder and she shooed me off.  
"P-please don't touch me right now...I don't think too good when you touch me, it makes me want to tell nice lies. And I'm uh, really tired of telling this nice lie." I tried to laugh to lighten the mood, but one look at the coldness on her face silenced that laughter. She closed her eyes and started to speak. "W-well I've kind of always been a loser. I had no friends growing up, I got teased and bullied for my stupid teeth and my stupid acne and my really bad social skills. I was so lonely all the time, and I could tell nobody liked me..." I bared my teeth, fins flaring up with fury before biting down hard on my lip. I really needed to snuggle her and then beat up something, preferably whatever childhood tormentors of hers I could get my claws on. She saw my reaction and flinched.

"S-s-ssso, I t-thought to myself of what I could do to get people to like me. I was going to be the one to find a way to the surface! Yeah, that's pretty stupid, I know. But maybe if I could do that, I thought, people would know I was useful and finally like me... I worked harder than I ever had on anything. I dove deeper into my books than ever before, studied robotics, worked long unpaid internships, got two doctorates, never forgetting my real goal. Eventually, I became the Royal Scientist." She smiled distantly. Those times must've been good for her, and just to hear about it made me beam with pride. The smile vanished from her face quickly.

"One day, King Asgore himself took me aside and said he knew about how badly I wanted to find a way to the surface. That I reminded him of somebody he once knew, though he wasn't sure who. He said he had a secret project for me, I could tell no one and had to work alone. And then he took me deep deep underground and showed me this deserted laboratory. 'This is where you'll work,' he said. He wouldn't tell me what the laboratory had been originally used for. Well, actually, I'm not sure he knew the answer to that, either." Her eyes lit up with what I knew right away to be geekish excitement. "The lab was full of research notes. Experiments in creating monsters with human SOULs. No humans would have to fall to the Underground and be killed if we could make such a thing! The research had yielded little results, and the notes ended very abruptly. I- uh, I hadn't thought about what that meant." Her voice trailed away at the end, barely a whisper.

"I wanted to pick up where this mystery researcher had left off, why they had been so close and then just stopped. So, I did." At this point she was visibly shaken, something very bad was going to happen. I swallowed hard, bracing for whatever ugliness awaited. "I-I wanted people to like me...."  
She choked pitifully for a few seconds before regaining her composure. I could only watch her struggle.  
"Getting subjects to test on was very easy, actually. Everyone wants to be part of the effort to see the surface, right? You remember the posters you'd see up: The King's eyes looking upward hopefully 'A Brighter Future Can Start With You, Sign Up Today!'" I knew the posters she spoke of immediately, and as a matter of fact, seeing one had helped convince me to bite the bullet and finally officially join the Royal Guard myself. I wanted to tell her that, that of anything bad that came from this, something good did happen because of her. Right as I opened my mouth to tell her, she laughed harshly.

"What a crock of it, I know. Still, I tried my best to answer every volunteer's questions. No, there's no promise this test will be successful, yes your family members will be heroes if this works, yes you're getting paid. And then the hardest one: Yes, there is a chance they will not survive testing." She looked on the brink of tears again, her tail slapping the ground nervously.

“Almost nobody turned away even after hearing that, they always said the same thing: 'If it will bring us a brighter future.' I-I hate myself." She huddled over. Her claws were gripping her arms so tightly she was scratching herself, shaking and stuttering the whole time. She sunk her claws deep enough to draw blood, and just I couldn't watch anymore. I came up behind her and grabbed her arms by the wrists, trying hard not to squeeze out my bubbling anger.  
“Don't hurt yourself." I hoped my voice wasn't quivering.  
“Months, Undyne, months of subjects coming in and then never coming out. Every test was a failure for months. Their bodies laid on the operating tables fallen down motionless but not dissolving into dust like monsters are supposed to. I should've given up, realized it was a waste of precious life to keep going with this madness and quit. I couldn't. Something terrible overtook me. I kept thinking how I could be loved, worthless me finally loved, if only I kept going. S-so I kept going, couldn't let them die in peace oh no..." She was full-on crying now, tears dripping down her snout and horrible gasping sobs punctuating her words. She fell to her knees, her eyes wide with remembered horrors, my hands still clasping her wrists.  
"One day, they got up. But they didn't come back right at all. They came back v-very wrong..." Her voice was suddenly stone sober.  
"They were abominations, freaks. Their bodies were the disfigured lumps of all my subjects mashed together. They screamed instead of speaking and you could hear the pain and desperation in their mangled voices. I can still hear their cries e-even now...and I-I don't think the sound will ever leave me.'You made us. You did this to us.' And at that moment, I knew I would never, ever deserve love. I-I don't remember the days or weeks after that too well, I started drinking and stopped sleeping, trying anything to quiet the horrible wordless screaming playing over and over in my head. My next real memory after that one is a happy ending in someone else's story."  
She stood up and looked me dead in the eye, searching mine for an emotion. I don't know what she saw in my eye, but I know what I saw in hers. She was terrified that now that I knew her dark secret I would abandon her.  
  
“I was standing alone on the edge of a cliff, this cliff, looking down and wondering if Hell was below me. And uh, I was-I was gonna jump. But then you came up to me and talked to me."

She looked so scared on that cliff, small and vulnerable, that night and now. I clenched my fist wondering what I would've done if I knew then what she's saying now.  
"I only knew you looked like you needed someone, I just never knew how badly you needed someone." She lowered her head when I said that. I pulled her chin up to look at me, but her eyes refused to meet mine. She seemed to think I already made my decision.  
"Well, aren't you going to execute me? I just confessed to, uh, a pretty serious crime."  
I just stared at her for a bit, really not knowing what to do at all. She made a quick motion towards my feet, and before I knew what she was doing she had the dagger I keep stashed in my boot in her hand. Trembling, she thrust the handle into my hand and curled my fingers around it. It was heavy and cold.  
"War crimes, treason, unethical science, shit taste in anime, you can book me on a lot of r-really bad charges. A-and I know justice will come for me, so I-I'd rather someone I love kill me now than have to wait for a stranger to do it."  
I froze, looking back and forth from the dagger to her. She had closed her eyes, accepting her fate as if she was already dead. I had a sworn duty to protect the people of the Underground. When I would lie awake at night wrestling with my own demons, that duty was the only thing keeping me together. Protect the people of the Underground, the weak, the voiceless, the downtrodden, all of them. All of them.

The dagger fell from my hands with a clang. I wrapped my arms around her in the tightest hug I could muster. I could hear myself crying.  
"W-what are you doing?" She thrashed free from my hug and sidestepped away from me. "No, you'd never do that... I loved that about you, you'd never put some stupid girl above justice just because you have feelings for her..."  
"You're not some stupid girl!" I yelled, stomping my foot so hard I left a pothole in the ground. "And this isn't about justice. This is about keeping the people that I love safe."  
I went in to hug her again. This time she didn't push me away. She was shivering very badly.  
"Innocent people have suffered because I am selfish, Undyne."  
"Delivering 'justice' won't change them back, y'know."  
"I-I don't care. I hate myself, I want to die." I couldn't believe that even in my arms, she carried that pain. It took a lot of effort for me not to bawl my eyes out..  
"Then what stopped you last time you were here?"  
"I-I saw you, and you were so strong and pretty and cool. You wanted to help people, even worthless people like me. And I felt like, even if I'll never see the surface, or Heaven when I die, if I could be like you then maybe I could, uh, lessen the blow of what I've done?"

"So in that case, what's all this about wanting to die?" She buried her face in my chest and was quiet for what seemed like forever. I ran my hand down her frill.  
"Don't let me do that to myself, I would miss you..." Her voice was a muffled whimper vibrating in my ribs.  
"I didn't then, and I won't now." I scooped her up in my arms and carried her bridal-style in the direction towards my house. She clung to my neck like she belonged there. "If you're ever thinking about hurting yourself, tell me right away so I can come to beat some sense into you."  
She laughed darkly, and I realized my bad choice of words.  
"Ugh. Fine, smooch some sense into you. And then suplex some rocks because I'm angry." Her eyes still had that thousand yard stare, but a smile cracked on her face and she blushed.  
"C-can you smooch some sense into me right now?"  
As if she even had to ask. I kissed her like I could suck the pain in her heart out through her lips. We didn't break kiss until we were sitting on my couch.


	2. Chapter 2

"Are you feeling better now?"  
"No." She blushed some more. "Maybe. A little bit. I, uh, think it might run a little deeper than kisses can fix. Even c-close with you, I still feel the same. Still feel like I belong someplace where I'm, y'know..." She looked down at her feet. "Not living."

I got up and poured us both a cup of her favorite sugary soda. The gesture felt cheap. She tells me she wants to die and all I can get her is a drink? I heard a loud crash and noticed I had accidentally crushed my coffee mug from squeezing too hard. I gave her the other cup and mindlessly plopped down next to her.  
"T-their families will come for me. They're going to want me dead for what I did. And I'll deserve it, of course. Even if you couldn't do it, and you won't let me, I'm still alive on borrowed time." She sipped her drink very casually considering the words she just uttered.  
"Are the uh, the creatures..."  
"I call them Amalgamates."  
"Right, those, are they still alive?" She sighed and looked at the bottom of her mug.  
"Yeah, kind of. It's pretty hard to gauge how 'alive' they are, but I do go down into the lower lab to feed and put on some TV for them everyday. Sometimes I even go play with them. It's, well, it's hard to look at them for too long, you can tell they're in pain. " She laughed nervously and took a long swig. "But I take care of them as best I can. They're not really violent or anything as long as they're fed..."  
I leaned back and wrapped an arm around her. 

"You're going to have to let them out right away."  
"Everybody's going to h-hate me, even more than they did before. I'm scared. I can't."  
"That wasn't some gentle life advice from your girlfriend, Alphy. That was the captain of the Royal Guard issuing you a legal decree. This next thing is a bit of life advice from your girlfriend, though: If you really want people to love you, you need to start with yourself."  
"L-love myself? But I'm not really, uh, a likable person at all, let alone a lovable person..." I jumped up.  
"Hey! Do you know what I do to people who talk smack about my girlfriend? I kill 'em!"  
She smiled sadly. Oh yeah, crap. I really need to stop threatening to kill a suicidal person, huh. I had enough of this stupid nonsense. I picked her up over my shoulder and brought her to my room and dropped her down in front of my bedroom mirror.  
"Who's that?"  
I thrust a finger at her reflection in the mirror. She slunk down awkwardly, wrapping her tail around her legs.  
"That's uh, me, I guess. What do you want me to say?"  
"Tell me about her."  
"My name is Dr. Alphys, and I'm a scientist, I suppose. Not for long though, since soon an angry mob will be killing me. Then I'll be some dust..."  
"Wrong!" I yelled. "Look closer. What do you see?"  
She squinted at the mirror, frowning toothily.  
"A uh, fat ugly lizard? If you look really closely you can see how sweaty and pimply I am." I facepalmed.  
"Ugh, ok fine. What do you think I see when I look at you?"  
"A fat, ugly, sweaty lizard with more zits than scales? And uh, maybe you feel sorry for me? I'm not very good looking, not like you are..."  
"Geez, this Dr. Alphys you know is way different than the one I know. And the Undyne you know must be a huge bitch, too, if she's going around only dating girls because she feels sorry for them." She sighed.  
"I'm sorry, I really don't know what there is to like about me..." I clapped a hand on her shoulder and laughed.  
"It's fine, I'd love to tell you about the Dr. Alphys I know! She's really great. She's like, the smartest monster in the Underground by far. No competition at all there!" She sucked her teeth and slouched down a bit more.  
"I'm not really, uh, all that smart, not the smartest for sure. Sans is probably a lot smarter than me..."  
"Sans? That lazybones is smarter than you? Don't make me laugh. And speaking of that bonehead, you knew the human was coming before he did, and he's supposed to be a sentry."  
"But, uh, I let the human get away and they ended up killing King Asgore because of it..."  
"So did I! Humans are horrible, I think we can agree. Moving on. Did you know the Alphys I know isn't just a brilliant scientist, but also the humblest ever?" I paused dramatically after my rhetorical question. "She built the most popular celebrity in the whole Underground, and she still tries her hardest to stay out of his spotlight."  
"I didn't really build Mettaton though, exactly, it's more like I..." I interrupted her.  
"And all of his famous life-changing MTT brand inventions? Guess who actually came up with all of them? Also the great Dr. Alphys! Never even takes credit for them, and they're a staple in every house! Including mine, and I can't stand that smug rectangle, let me tell you."  
She was bright red. I decided now was the best time to tease her, naturally.  
"And! While normally it's not such a big thing to me, you did bring it up and so I gotta set the record straight. You ain't no 'fat ugly lizard'. You are one hell of a smoking curvy hotbaby and I sure am glad I get to look at you everyday."  
Mission accomplished, she was trying to bury her face in her sleeve and wiggling nervously. Time to really step it up.  
"And as for that sweaty thing, I think it's kinda sexy actually, cuz it makes you smell like you've been fighting hard." I laughed in spite of myself. "Gross, huh?"  
She chomped down on the sleeve of her coat and shrieked a muffled "S-sexy? Me?" Her tail was wagging fast enough to kick up a dust cloud. I put my hand on the top of her head to pet her and she jumped a foot into the air.  
"Yes, you sexy, you dummy. A lot more than just your sweatiness, too, by the way. I'm scared if I say anymore you'll pass out, though." Which was partially true, but also partially that I was starting to get a little embarrassed myself. I laughed. She did not look amused.  
"PleasepleaseUndynetellmewhatyouthinkissexyaboutmeitwouldmakemereallyhappyifyoutoldme." she rambled out breathlessly.  
I laughed louder. It was so nice to hear her acting like her usual self again after the crying, depressed mess she'd been since she told me her secret.  
"Ok, but on only one condition." I secretly hoped she was going to turn down my offer and save us both a crapload of nervous blushing.  
"Yesofcourseanythingatallyoucanthinkof."  
"No, I change my mind, two conditions. Firstly, you need to breathe, babe. You sound like a deflating balloon. And second, you need to take me to where you're keeping those Amalga-whatevers." The excited cheer faded from her face right away.  
"...Is guard captain Undyne or my girlfriend Undyne saying that?"  
"Little of both. If you trust me on this, I think it's going to help you. That's girlfriend Undyne. And also, cooperating with the law is a really good way to not get in even bigger trouble. That's guard captain Undyne. You really don't want to piss either of them off, y'know." She frowned, then started downstairs towards my door.  
"Y-yeah, but I can smooch an angry girlfriend to make her not mad anymore. The guard captain just gets more mad..." Sometimes I forget she's got a wicked manipulative streak. "They're about a mile under my normal lab. C'mon..."

We traveled to Hotland with the begrudging speed of a nerd who really does not want to go to Hotland, and in fact wants to extend the traveling as long as possible so I have to say more embarrassing things about her I think are sexy. Between overheating and blushing, I was probably redder and sweatier than her on most days. She seemed pretty legitimately happy though, so I kept spilling stupid quips about how I thought the way she sleeps in her computer chair with her tail wrapped around her leg is really cute, or how hot I found it when she gets really passionate explaining the plot of whatever visual novel she's playing.  
"And the face you make when you realize you're talking about an eroge and suddenly freeze up." She didn't think I knew that was why she froze up.  
"Yeah, you thinking I don't know is pretty cute, too. Sorry to tell you, but when the game is called 'Princess Dokidoki Honeymoon Deflowering Night', it's kind of obvious."  
The lab was in sight, and I was very grateful.  
"You hid your crush on me better than you hid your collection of hentai games. Of course, back then I thought you were just trying to get educated on human mating habits. Really, really educated."  
"I w-was. Uh, initially, anyway... You really didn't know I had a crush on you?"  
She stopped walking. We were at the front door of her lab.  
"Nope! I think I was in pretty bad denial, though. Looking back it's kind of obvious, but I really didn't think you liked me like that. I thought we were too different, and what are the odds that a girl I have a crush on likes girls too, let alone likes me." She pressed a few buttons on a keypad and the door to her lab slid open. "I'm, well, most people are scared of me, y'know?"

She seemed very deep in thought as she stepped inside her house and rummaged through her desk. She produced a box of strawberry pocky and tore it open, sticking one in her mouth and handing me the rest.  
"You aren't gonna bribe me with sweets to get out of taking me to them." She frowned as I munched on four at once. "But yeah, I've been meaning to tell you about all that. You look up to me a lot, apparently, so it might make you feel better to know a little bit of how I was growing up." I gave her a gentle shove away from her desk, where she had been booting up a video game, and towards the rest of her lab. "C'mon now, I'm not just going to forget about it. You gotta take me to them."  
She looked at her feet.  
"A-are you really sure you want to see them? I know you're tough, but they're really...messed up."  
"You're not hiding them from me for my sake, we both know that." She was really wearing my patience thin.  
"You know me too well, I love you."  
Flattery will get her nowhere, I'm afraid. I ran over to her desk and snatched up an anime figurine, clutching it just barely tight enough not to shatter it.

"You take me to the Amalgawhatzits right now, or Mew Mew gets it!" She gasped and jumped up to pry her beloved plastic catgirl from me. Being a whole Alphys taller than her meant she didn't stand a chance of reaching it.  
"You wouldn't!"  
I gave her a smile with enough razor sharp teeth that I didn't even need to say 'Yes I would.' She ran over to her computer and typed something in with breakneck speed. There was a groaning noise and the door to her bathroom opened up.  
"It's an elevator to the lower lab," she explained, and stepped into the doorway. I placed Mew Mew down as gently as possible back on her desk.  
"Sorry I'm such a bully, Alphy." I joined her inside the elevator. "I've always been that way."  
“I d-don't think I believe that...”  
The door closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The 'lighter and fluffier' chapter.


	3. Chapter 3

She pressed the only button inside the elevator and the door groaned closed. There was a whizzing sound as it began its descent.  
"If you start to hear any horrible ungodly noises, it's probably just the Amalgamates. Probably. I haven't been down to see them yet today, so they might be angry. But don't worry, they probably won't kill us. Probably." I ignored her attempts to scare me into turning back.   
"Yeah, I've always been a bully. Ever since I was a very little girl." She perked up, temporarily forgetting her quest to stop us from going down there.  
“Mhmm?"  
"I had to be. Y'know how you said you got picked on really bad as a kid? Well, I did too. I was a rough around the edges little street urchin. Everybody kind of assumed I was always up to no good." I let a smile cross my face. "Of course, they ended up being right most of the time. But it didn't start out being true. I really tried my best to get along with people and behave myself, but I had nothing and nobody. Keeping safe meant I had to learn to fight. A lot of the scars you see on my body aren't even from my time in the Royal Guard, they're from when I was growing up on the streets."   
Her eyes immediately went to my eyepatch.   
"Yeah, lost my eye in a street brawl too. That one's actually got a really cool story! I'll have to tell you some time. The important thing is, if you think my face looks jacked up, you should see what the other guy looked like!"  
She looked very sad. "I don't think your face looks messed up, I think it looks really cool. Like a shonen character, or uh, a fierce warrior...ThoughIguessyouareawarriorsothat'sastupidthingformetosay-" I cut her off with a kiss on the forehead.   
"Thanks, babe.”

The elevator lurched to a stop. Immediately, there was an ear-piercing screech noise followed by loud gurgling. The door opened on a dusty and dimly lit hellhole of a laboratory. Despite the fact Alphys apparently visited it daily, it looked like it had been abandoned for centuries. In the distance I could hear a voice moaning "Welcome to my personal hell....."  
"Hey everybody, you guys got a visitor today! Be on your best behavior, ok?"   
She walked into the lobby, and opened the door to a closet. It was full of bags of dog chow and cups of instant noodles. She tossed me a dog food bag and scooped up an armful of noodle cups.   
"I bet they're sick of ramen by now, but that's all I know how to cook, heh." She led me down another hallway.

“So, uh, where are they?" I could certainly hear them, and feel their presence, but it was like trying to find the source of fog.  
"Hiding, probably. They don't trust you. Or maybe they want to kill us. I wasn't joking about that, y'know...." She leaned her shoulder on mine. "I'd uh, actually be r-really scared if you weren't here right now..."   
She entered a room that looked a bit like a kitchen with a large dining table in it. On the floor was the largest dog bowl I've ever seen. She wandered over to the sink and started to prepare the noodles.   
"Uh, can you just pour that whole bag into the bowl? He'll eat it all, trust me." I obliged. "He's made from twenty different dogs. I think it's twenty, anyway. He's usually out here the moment he hears the elevator. Must really be spooked by us..."  
I readied myself in a fighting stance at the entrance. "Or, the killing us thing."  
“Oh no, not Endogeny. He's a good boy. Just shy around new faces." I frowned.  
“So how many are there?”   
She looked down at her claws and counted on them quietly.  
“Uh, I don't actually know...They don't really stick around in one place for long. There's Lemon Bread and the Memoryheads and Snowdrake and quite a few more. Some of them are nicer than others...”  
She finished pouring water in the cups of noodles and set them up at the table. She made a turn for the door. “Have you seen enough yet?”  
“I haven't seen a single Amalga-fucker yet, Alphy.” She walked out into the hallway, shaking her head.  
“Well, if you're sure...Do you want me to take you to where I made them? That's where Lemon Bread likes to hide.” I nodded. She stormed off down a winding hallway and down a room full of beds. I barely got a glimpse at the place at the speed she was moving. She continued run-walking through a thoroughly trashed door frame and into a room full of operating tables. She ran her hand down the frame.  
“See these marks? I made these with my claws, trying to get away from them.” She looked down shamefully. “I didn't succeed. It's very lucky they didn't actually hurt me. And over here,” She stood up and patted one of the operating tables. It was covered in a sticky black liquid and the restraints were ripped. “This is where the first one came back. They seemed like normal monsters at first, acted like they did before they fell down, I actually thought I had d-done it, until I checked their SOULs and saw they were monster ones...” She shivered. “Then they transformed, fused up. Became t-the things that haunt this place.”  
There was another horrible screaming and one of the operating tables flipped over. A mass of meat and gristle and bone heaved itself directly in front of us. It screeched again. I jumped in front of Alphys to protect her, energy spear popping in my hand.  
“Touch her and you're dead!”  
The creature squished itself down underneath my legs and reformed behind me. I whipped around to see it rubbing up against Alphys and flecking her coat with bits of its flesh.   
“Undyne, it's ok. This is one of the Memoryheads. He's a hungry little thing, aren't you?”  
“C...come j-join the funnnnn.....” She pet the top of it like she was petting a dog. I could tell she was scared in spite of her attempted niceness.  
“Food's out, little guy.” I think it was staring at me. “This is Undyne. I told you about her, r-remember? My girlfriend? I uh, used to talk to the Amalgamates about you sometimes...”  
The Memoryhead seemed to understand her some. It shifted its weight over her hand and she pet it harder. She looked over at me.  
“Why're you smiling so big, Undyne?” I pointed at her.  
“You're petting an undercooked hamburger like it's a puppy. And, it's actually really cute. You look like a natural at it.” The creature screamed in what I can only assume to be happiness.  
“It's not just I feel like I'm indebted to them for what I did. But, uh, it's like I'm practically their mother, I have to take care of them.”  
The Memoryhead gave one last screeching “Joiiiiin” and squished itself away. Alphys dusted herself off and turned back the way we came.  
“C-can we leave now?”  
I gave her a hug. She hugged me back.  
“Do you think they hate you?”  
She hugged tighter.  
“I don't know. I know I h-hate myself enough for all of them, though.”  
“I think they forgive you. Look at Memoryfoam there, it literally ran up to you and rubbed on your legs like a cat. It likes you, Alphy, might even love you.”  
“S-stop projecting, Undyne. You haven't seen the ones that hate me yet. Lemon Bread-”  
“Hey! There is no 'might' about me loving you. And let's just see this Lemon Bread creature, how bad could it be?”  
She walked over to one of the operating tables and sat down on top of it with a long sigh. I paced back and forth in front of her, ready to protect her should whatever a Lemon Bread is be out to hurt her.  
“We can't really find it, it kind of, well, finds me? But it'll usually show up after it eats...it really m-might try to kill us...” I stroked her head comfortingly.  
“You know I'll have it gutted before it lays so much as a mutated slime tendril on you.”  
“I-I don't want it to hurt any more than it already does...” Her statement reminded me of the story I had been telling. Maybe it would keep her mind off her fear. I held her hand and stood guard over her.  
“You wouldn't have liked me if you knew me when I was younger, Alphy. I hurt all sorts of people who didn't do anything to me, and let's just say the Guard Captain before me was really familiar with my name long before I ever enlisted. I was bad, Alphys. I was really bad.” I felt my lip quiver and I slammed down on the operating table next to us. Dark, dark memories. “I didn't need science to turn anybody into a mushed up pile, I did it well enough with my fists. And y'know the worst part? Those people I beat up and mugged and threatened, I didn't do it for some greater good like seeing the surface or so people would like me. I just did it because I could.”  
It seemed like she was struggling with the words she wanted to say. Her mouth opened and closed a few times with only sobs and squeaks escaping it, finally she settled on squeezing my hand and petting the top of it. The softness of her hand took some of the edge off.  
“But I learned something. About how to use my strength to protect people instead of pushing people around. And because of what I learned, I won't ever hurt anybody who doesn't deserve it ever again.”  
A tiny glimmer of light appeared on the ground in front of us. It grew larger, looking at first like some kind of star, but soon transforming into a very big misshapen creature. I could recognize some of the monsters that made it up: big arms belonging to a relative of Aaron, the lumpy masses of a Moldsmall. I could handle the abstract look of the Memoryhead, but the odd familiarity of this creature made me gasp in horror. Alphys heard me and let go of my hand.  
“L-Lemon Bread, h-hi. If you hate me now, you can still kill me.” She looked at it, then turned to me. It didn't move from its initial hunched position. “E-either of you.”  
It screeched. She threw her hands over her head and ducked down. Tears were already pooling up in her eyes.   
“I'm s-so sorry. P-please kill me fast.”  
I wanted so bad to run my spears through it a thousand times for hurting her in this way, but I held back. She had said not to, so I wouldn't. Instead I just settled for growling at it. It finally lifted its head to look at me, its massive mouth of strange bobbling teeth snapping randomly. I kicked over the bed next to us in an attempt to be menacing without hurting it.  
“Don't touch her.”  
The only part of the creature that dared to move were those bobbling teeth that I suspect move at all times. It just looked at me.  
“Kill her, kill her, kill her.” it hissed. Its voice sounded like a garbled mess of people all talking over each other. Alphys sobbed.  
“Yeah. Kill me, g-go ahead.”  
“Kill doctor? Kill doctor, hurt doctor.” Its eyes never left me as it spoke. “Strange monster, hurt doctor.” I looked at her, hoping she would be able to help me make sense of its strange way of talking.  
“Don't touch her.” it parroted back at me in my own voice. She yelped suddenly, as if realizing something.  
“Oh n-no! U-Undyne didn't hurt me, that's not why I'm crying.” It chattered its teeth and wiggled closer to her. “D-don't worry, I'm fine, I'm ok. Undyne is h-helping me, actually. I l-love her.”  
It looked deep into my eye, and I could see what Alphys meant about not looking too close at them. It was in obvious agony. It contorted its weird limbs around her body. She sniffled into its lumpy body. I didn't know what to make of it. Was this a tender moment between creator and creation, or was this danger?  
“Doctor hurt, strange monster. Help doctor.” And with that, I understood. Hundreds of mixed up voices all trying to beg to me to save their beloved doctor from herself, possibly not even understanding what was wrong with her, but still knowing something was very wrong. I cursed myself silently for misjudging these creatures. They were once regular monsters, after all, and compassion is what makes monsters monsters.  
“Yeah, I can help her. Or I hope so, anyway! She's a bit of a blockhead when it comes to herself sometimes.” I slapped her on the back, maybe a bit too hard. I tried not to make my smile look forced as I looked at it. “And you're helping her too, y'know! Hang in there for your doc, ok?”  
It bubbled (Contently? Politely?), losing any defined shape in its form, save those gnarly teeth.  
“Hang in there for your doc.” it repeated.  
I was going to tell it that I try my best, but it had already slunk away through the cracks in the ground, leaving Alphys standing alone. I took Lemon Bread's place hugging her.

“It's like this, Alphy. People are going to hate you, maybe. Because, well, forgiving you is on them, and you just gotta be the best person you can be from now on to show those guys wrong. But uh, the reason you don't like yourself isn't because of them anyway. It's because of you. You need to start by forgiving yourself for this.” I gestured at the room around us. “And I'll do my best to help you with all this.” I tapped her forehead. “I know it's full of lots of great stuff, and I gotta remind you about that.”  
“It's uh, w-well, I dunno if I can do that? It's going to be very hard. E-especially with people hating me...”  
“I know! Sometimes I still wake up sweating thinking about when I robbed some little old lady at spearpoint or something like that, and I think “Man, it doesn't matter how many people I protect, nothing will ever make up for those times.” But I know that I'm trying my hardest to be good, and even with the trouble I've caused, I can still see the hope I give the monsters of the Underground. It makes me want to be even better! And, well, if I have a pretty lady like you who likes me, I gotta keep you safe no matter what, too. So, I do my best for everyone who's got hope in me, and especially for you.”  
“You're r-really great.”  
“And I know you are too. We're gonna do one last hard thing now, I think.”  
I started walking towards the doorway and she followed close behind.  
“We're gonna go to the Queen together, and we're going to tell her about these guys. Ask her what she thinks is the right thing to do. And then,” I hesitated. I had been planning this next idea for a while now anyway, but knowing about all this just strengthened my want to do it. “I'm gonna ask her about taking up a position keeping an eye on you, which I'll be sure to say is to make sure you don't try any more experiments like this one.”   
“And totally not just because I wanna get paid to look at you!”   
We took hands and left the past behind us, and walked back to the elevator leading up to our future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One year, two lost hard drives and a complete rewrite later, here's the last chapter! With this finally behind me I can throw my all into Repeating Herself, which you Alphyne fans should keep your eyes out for because while that's not entirely the focus, it's got plenty of Alphyne goodness. If you're a big fan of Alphys being sad, it's got plenty of that, too! Heaven knows I am.


End file.
